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The past few weeks have my worst for this semester. That said I haven't made any impulsive purchases (on makeup) since my last one, and no notable ones on anything else either. I do feel conscious of what I spend money on and though I browse a lot, there isn't anything that's convinced me. It's good that I'm reluctant, but I feel my desire to find just something to buy for fun won't stop anytime soon. Just the fact that I don't even know what this thing is is bad. Well anyway I could probably just wait this out. I'm more reluctant to give these brands money now too.

I don't shy away from heavy eye makeup as much. I don't think wearing my stuff satisfies my purchase impulses at all because they aren't the same but maybe it can be good enough of a distraction.

So I cleaned my room and that's good. I'm spending some money on things for my room. I really wanted to buy this lipstick and/or blush from this brand's shade collection. It's "special edition" and its packaging is pink unlike their typical silver. Though the shade itself is your average nude pink. I need to show that this isn't good behavior and not reward them for it. For a brand that's supposedly "for the freaks" they create a lot of tame shades.

The other brand that I tussle a lot with just released highlighters which I've been waiting for forever, since a new highlighter was on my wishlist for a long time. I was hoping that this brand would release baked or powder highlighters since I really liked their shimmery baked blushes. Unfortunately natural makeup is still the trend and they opted for subtle finishes instead of a blinding finish like their baked blushes.

I was saved twice from buying another makeup item by being too late and having them run out of stock. Still I feel like setting aside some money for another thing in the future. Not good, and I hope wanting to improve my room steals the budget for makeup.

There's still lots of rules that I have to get around to unlearning that would probably help with my overconsumption. I like to look weird but I hesitate to leave my house wearing it. Honestly because I'm a little mean and judgemental of others. I need to hammer the idea deeper in my brain that it's all for fun. I can wear my red lipstick...

Too soon. I spoke too soon. Things just got worse since then and I felt like I needed this. Since I've been saving up, I gave myself around 1.25k PHP to spend on makeup. Some of it were things that I just need a refill of, some things on my wishlist, yet two impulse purchases.

I was so desperate for any positive feeling and none of the stuff I'd usually do didn't feel as nice. I no longer know why I thought buying shit would do anything good. I have yet to receive my parcels yet I'm already fully sober to the fact that shiny things won't fix my problems. Instead it really felt like me deliberately choosing to lose a battle that I've already been winning at for such a long time. It felt like it's what I needed to do but clearly the payoff was less than I was hoping for.

I wish I had thought to write about this entry earlier since it actually made me think I could maybe mitigate some damage and cancel one of my orders but it's too late and the platform won't let me. So like whatever... I've been playing with makeup again so that's fun. Looking at this notes page (page you are on right now), the sections apart from the microblogs and holy grals now full of outdated information I don't strongly care about. I don't really know what to do right now except to leave it alone since I feel like completely omitting it from this page defeats its initial purpose. Didn't mean I had to buy a bunch of new stuff but here we are. I've had a few days to think about this. It's embarrassing but whatever, shame won't fix anything either and I need to welcome the new arrivals. Though it's also bad that I'm thinking of getting even more. I just hope things get better by then.

I do want something real. I'm trying to crochet anime boy Takumi Sumino's jacket (click the "visual change" button to see) so that I could cosplay him in time for his birthday on 16 of April. I'll wear it every day.

I sound like such an addict in these microblog posts and I really was that it's embarrassing. I haven't bought anything ever since. I don't even meet the conditions that would let me freely pick and choose in my collection anymore. I just use whatever is already in my go pouch, not minding if I already wore it yesterday. I'm doing so much better on many things. My face isn't really a creation in of itself. At least it certainly isn't one I find too interesting to me, anymore. There's just more interesting things I could do. Whatever I said about wanting variety were just excuses to get dopamine hits through consumption.

Though recently I had to go on another spending spree because I needed a crutch. The past weeks have been the hardest and the best weeks I've ever had in recent memory. Good things will come out of it. I'm on a significantly better wavelength than before.

I ran out of mascara and lost the rubber to my lash curler so I've been living without. I wouldn't have expected being fine with it since my lashes are my proudest feature. Biggest obstacle I have is washing my brushes. Then I can use all my pretty blushes again.

I'm in the midst of surviving another sale. I actually had plans to buy something this month which went against my no/low buy whatever but I didn't think badly of it. I thought since I hadn't spent money (on makeup) for a long time, I thought I should give myself a reward. But that's just some silly business and in the end I didn't buy anything. I haven't been wearing makeup or even dressing up when I need to go somewhere. The state of my life doesn't make it feel right I guess. I'm not obsessed with my appearance right now, and I noticed things feel so different because of that. At least I'm not spending money and I've become more frugal.

I had to buy my aunt a better gift. I bought her a cream blush. I wish I could get myself one too but cream blushes expire quicker than powders.

Having used eyeshadow a lot recently, I started to miss my Judydoll quad. I took it out from its box only to see that one of the pans grew mold. (It took me a while to notice though, and I had started putting on one of the other hopefully non-moldy shades before I realized.) Basically it's dead and I can't use any of the shades anymore. It's unfortunate because I liked the formula and I liked the shades somewhat, and the Pompompurin stickers I put on it are so cute. But a part of me was also relieved of a burden. I did want to get rid of one of my brown eyeshadow quads since I had two, but I just couldn't because I liked them both.

I got over it quickly. Then the next day I forgot to deal with it and it fell from my table. One of the pans completely shattered. It's like, good riddance, that's it. I proceeded to destroy the other pans and empty them because I plan to keep the component.

It's been more than a month since I started my low buy. Technically I broke it at exactly 30 days later because I bought some discounted makeup for my aunt's birthday. I bought her two lipglosses and one lipstick for my mom (to be honest, I wanted it for myself, but I beat the desire and gave it to my mom). But then decided I wanted to give my aunt something more expensive for her gift. So I decided to keep the lipglosses for myself. I don't think it's a big deal though since liquid lip products are easy to use up. If it was a blush or a lip bullet, it would be bad.

Recently, though, was my birthday which always coincides with the biggest sale of the year on locally popular shopping platforms, where I get my makeup. During my low buy, I became more inclined to prioritize other things that isn't makeup, like a table for my room and laptop maintenance stuff. Still I was trying to make room in my budget for makeup, because to me it was like a no-brainer that I'd buy makeup on my birthday especially when they sell for so cheap.

Fortunately there was nothing of reasonable value that caught my eye, except one: a really expensive pressed highlighter that was going on sale for 70% off. I really wanted it and at its advertised price point, it would have been really worth it. I spent a lot of time deciding which shade to buy (I even had to talk myself out of buying three), but when the sale came, the shop that was selling it for some reason unlisted three out of its four shades, including the one I wanted. It was a disappointment, but I guess it's a good thing because I scratched the spending itch buying thermal paste instead, which is way more important. (And my dad bought the air can and 99% alcohol for me!)

I started disliking my cupcake highlighter for really not appearing on my face. I want to be shiny when I use highlighter but this is just really chalky. I like the colors in it even though this trio really only has two shades, but that's the only thing it has going for it. I guess it's good for putting on top of eyeshadow I guess. Like barely.

I think it's justified that I declutter this and buy a replacement. The only issue is I don't know what to replace it with. I want a blinding highlighter in both champagne gold and cool-toned pink. Preferrably it's a palette because I don't want individual singles. They're often like 10 grams anyway which is too much. But palettes usually cost a lot, so I don't have much choice there.

Best case scenario, Chu Chu Beauty releases a baked highlighter like their baked blushes. Their baked blushes have the blinding effect that I really like but I can't use them as highlighters since they have an opaque base. I guess until then, I'll just keep using the cupcake trio and wait.

The last time I had felt satisfied by my collection was in May of 2025, which was then followed by two months of hyperfixations that were not makeup. This October I feel I'm reaching that point of satisfaction again after I had just had another shopping spree from August to September (early October)—oops, but I totes see my patterns now. I think I started buying again because I felt I needed a reward or some relief, since it was also the start of a new college semester. Most of these purchases were done on impulse, only one being carefully planned for. But for now I feel a satisfaction with how much more complete my blush collection is and I don't regret a purchase I made these past few months. I still have some shades that are on my wishlist that I hope to deal with on a later date.

The big October sale had just passed and I didn't buy anything from it. It's not something to be super excited about since I still spent money, only on other things that are not makeup. I'm glad I did not trick myself into buying something I didn't need just because I had some extra allowance, because then I can use it to buy me and my brother a game controller next month for our birthdays.